How to stop feeling like roommates and start feeling like a couple again - after kids

Has your relationship taken a nose-dive after having kids? This is unfortunately SUPER common. Many couples find themselves feeling disconnected, annoyed, and isolated after becoming parents. The endless cycle of kid-related duties leaves little time or energy for each other. Days blend into one another, and you start to feel more like roommates or co-parents than romantic partners. While this experience is normal, it does NOT have to be the end of your love story!

The key to turning things around lies in what I call "I like you cues". These are simple acknowledgements that your partner exists (it's seriously that basic). Eye contact with a genuine smile when they walk into a room. A light touch on the shoulder (or squeeze on the bum, once things start to feel better between you) as you walk by. These moments help your partner feel seen and appreciated, and they help you remember that your partner is more than just a coparent—they are your person. When combined with respect and shared goals, these cues can start to rebuild your bond.

Couple paying attention to each other - even while parenting

Examples of "I like you cues" include:

• Complimenting your partner on something unrelated to parenting

• Sharing a quick smile, touch, or text during a busy day

• Saying "thank you" for little things they do - this helps build a culture of appreciation in your home as well

• Responding to an article or reel they've sent you

• Giving them an unprompted hug

• Putting your phone down while talking to them - this is HUGELY underrated! Even a small glance at your phone or watch while they are talking gives the impression that something else is more important than them in that moment. Many of the people I see in therapy feel de-prioritized in their partner's lives, and this one act of putting the phone away while you're spending time with them helps ENORMOUSLY.

This is one simple but necessary step to rebuilding your relationship after kids. It's a foundational piece, one you can stack other things on top of - like safer communication, dedicated couple time, laughing and having fun together, creating a couple identity... all of these things can really help.

If you want help implementing this into your relationship, reach out to Jena at connectedrelationships.ca and connectedrelationships.janeapp.com