Think back as far as you can. What was your living situation like when you were a kid? What did your parents used to say about money? Where were the big transitions when it came to money? When did you first start to work and what did you tell yourself about why you were working? Was it for extra pocket money, to save up for something big, or to help your family buy groceries?
The most important part of this is thinking about your safety around money. Did money feel like a friend or an enemy? Is it something you want to have lots of in your savings account, or does it feel dangerous to keep around?
Also think about - what do you like to spend money on? Maybe you are thrifty all year but then go all out on vacations. And maybe your partner prefers to spend money on fancy meals or clothes and so you have tension because you don’t understand the way the other spends money.
Start thinking about your money story, and if your partner is willing, you can ask them to think about theirs too. This is an amazing and necessary convo to have, either just to understand yourself or to help you create new insights into your relationship.
If you have trouble talking about your money story without it bringing up old hurts and resentments, reach out for help. Couples counsellors can help you have this conversation and also help you heal old wounds so you can get back to enjoying your life together.
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Questions or comments? Reach out to Jena via her contact form at jenatharani.com!